Tag Archives: family

Double Figures

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Yesterday my baby turned 10.      I just can’t believe he is now into double figures.

I remember the day he was born quite vividly.   He was an elected section, because of the problems M had when he was born.      However, despite being first on the list for the day, they decided to make me have a natural birth.   Needless to say, my blood pressure went array as with M, and I was taken to theatre for a section in the evening and he was born at 9:02pm.      When he came out, there was much relief he was a boy, because I had been given a scan a week before because of my BP problems, and all I remember seeing was hair.    Yes, he had so much hair that it was visible on the scan.   This made me think he would be a girl, despite being confident throughout the pregnancy I was having a boy!      I would have loved whichever sex my baby had been, but I had made up my mind for a second boy!      It was therefore great that my hairy baby was male.

He has grown into a beautiful person.   He has a kind heart, and would do anything to help others.

He does though have a side he doesn’t like showing the wold, but it is one that we see regularly at home.   The side of him when he lets go of his restraints of holding everything together, and he just lets rip.    It is of course not unusual for a person with aspergers to behave in this way.       It is as if he has multiple personalities.      Whenever I talk to the school, I hear about how quiet and reserved he is – at parents evening this week, the one negative his teacher spoke about was his lack of confidence to put himself forward and put his hand up.     But we know a very different boy.     We know the boy who gets upset when he isn’t perfect at everything he does.      The boy who screams and yells at those around him because he has a days frustration that has been bubbling up inside and needs to release.     The boy who is controlling to his brother because he doesn’t get his less forceful personality.       We also see the child who still needs Mummy hugs when he’s not feeling well, and he has had more than his fair share of illness recently.      The child who stands up to his friends when they don’t understand M’s flapping and ask him to stop, because nobody criticizes his brother apart from him.     We see the vulnerable child who hates conflict between his friends – although its fine when its sibling conflict!      We see the child who will stand up for his friends when they are bullied, but will not speak out when it is happening to him.      The child that adore his cats to the point of obsession.      The child who still believes in Santa and the tooth fairy, and not understanding why some of his peers are questioning their existence.        He is a very complex human being.      He is different people depending on his environment.     However the one thing that always shines through is his good heart.      I may be biased, okay, I know I am biased when I say he is a lovely person, but I believe he is.

The weekend.

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I don’t know about you, but we like to do something special for the kids the first weekend after the schools have gone back.       Never anything major, but something that makes them realise their efforts are appreciated.

This past weekend though was slightly different because of the stress M is living with.      We therefore didn’t make too many plans, and instead decided to play it by ear as to how much or how little he wanted to do.

I am very conscious that M has needed a lot more of my attention than D has this week.      I am really proud of the way D has seen M struggling and held back on his usual joys of winding up his brother.        D has gone out of his way to help him, both at home, and from what I hear, at breaks at school, having him play with him and his mates.       They are  like your typical siblings who speak a good case for why they don’t like each other, but really the love is deep and they are always there when needed.        When I tried to say to D that his patients with what M is going through was much appreciated, he just shrugged it off with a “whatever” – yes, he is a trainee teenager already!      I do however think it is important for him to realise we have seen the effort he has been putting in, at a time that isn’t always the best for him, he has allowed his brother to front and centre.       He is a good boy.

M has been quiet all weekend, wanting to spend a great deal of time in his own little world.       He has so much to process from the past week that it must be totally exhausting for him.      We have therefore given him the space he needs.     But having said that, he was very much part of the family group which was good to see.

Friday night the boys got to choose takeaway – Friday is my no cooking night when we either have takeaway or something like frozen pizza which just needs throwing in the oven.         They were in agreement with what they fancied – miracles do sometimes happen, and D happily asked everyone what they wanted, and put it on the order, only handing me back my laptop when the time came to pay for it!!!!          It was a really chilled evening with everyone sitting together watching a movie – although it is really difficult to eat when M is snuggled up so tight to me I can hardly breath!

Saturday morning started brilliantly, with M deciding he wanted to make bread.    He just had a craving for some fresh bread.      He found the recipe, and with me just checking what he was putting in, he filled the bread maker pan, and switched it on.       A few hours later, we had lovely fresh bread for a later breakfast.     In fact it was so good, the whole loaf disappeared very quickly.      I thought his ingenuity was amazing from start to finish.    I am really proud at how confident both boys find themselves in the kitchen.

Saturday afternoon, Hubby and D went off to the footie.   They are season ticket holders, and have been for some years.    Initially I thought D just went to please his Dad or for the pies, but Hubby says D can get quite animated at the games!!      It’s good for them to have some quality time together, and I think Hubby wouldn’t have been too happy if both his sons weren’t into football – M doesn’t understand it and finds it quite boring!

M didn’t want to do much when they were out.     He played video games for a while, and then put YouTube on the main telly.      I must say that while I am not a gamer by any stretch of the imagination, I do quite enjoy some of the people they watch as they are quite funny.       Watching M while he is viewing the videos is interesting, as he is actively communicating with the hosts.    I think another sign of the bubble he finds himself in.

Sunday morning, Hubby was doing a skip run – my oven died, the new one is due any minute.    The boys went with him, so they could go Pokémon hunting afterwards.     Like I think many parents, I find this whole Pokémon Go craze quite odd.    If the kids want to go for a walk, why can’t they do it without having their noses glued to their phones?      My boys are very good with it.    After the initial arguments of why they can’t go off and hunt for these creatures, they know the areas they are allowed to go in the immediate area to home.      They watched a video on YouTube about bad things that had happened to people while playing the game, and some of them were horrific.       D did say to me that he realises that we aren’t just mean parents but we were trying to keep them safe.    I suppose a back-handed compliment is better than no compliment!!

During the afternoon we just chilled in the garden.    It was a lovely warm day, as was nice just to sit and enjoy it.      M was fretful for his hairy babies – the kittens, that were out, as he worries for them – not that he really needs anything else to worry about, and so he was up and down, unable to sit still.

In all, it was a weekend where very little was done, and that was good.        Hopefully it gave both boys the chance to recharge themselves ready to really get their heads into school work this week.        I know it was good for me just to see everyone making the most of their downtime.

 

20 Years gone past.

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Today marks the 20th Anniversary of my Dads death.      That 20 years seems to have flown by as it definitely doesn’t seem so long.    I think I remember every detail of that day with such clarity that it will always feel as if it is out of time.

My Dad had bowel cancer.      He was always fit and healthy.     He cycled to work every day, didn’t smoke, and rarely touched alcohol.     Then he started getting pains in his belly.     The GP said he was constipated, and prescribed him laxatives.       The a few weeks later he was rushed to hospital with blood coming from his back passage.      They said they could find no reason for it, and after a week in hospital, he was sent home.       He was in such pain we took him back to the hospital, where he was put in a side ward and basically ignored for a week.    Eventually after much screaming and yelling we found someone who took his symptoms seriously.       He was diagnosed with bowel cancer which was extremely advanced and had spread to his liver.       His liver was so badly damaged that the consultant was amazed he had not been unwell for many years.      He was told there was nothing they could do for him.

Almost instantly upon diagnosis he changed.      It was as if his light had been turned down.      I suppose being told you are going to die would do that to you.      However, he was as cantankerous as ever and decided to plan everything!      He interviewed undertakers so as to find one that would be good for my Mum.     My parents renewed their wedding vows.    He got everything in order, so as to make things easier when the time came.

He was diagnosed in the October, and pretty much kept himself busy until just gone Christmas.     He then declined quite rapidly.      He was on a magical cocktail of drugs which reduced his pain, and gave him some amazing hallucinations.      We had both Marie Curie and MacMillan nurse visit so as to allow Mum to get some rest.       It was discussed moving him to a hospice to allow him to have around the clock care towards the end.    However this never happened as his time ran out.

My Dads body gave up at Midday on 17th March 1996.   It was a Sunday, Mothering Sunday.      It was a sad day, but also a day to remember he was free of the pain that had made him a different person in the last few months.

I miss my Dad every single day.   The boys know him because we talk about him.   They may not have had the pleasure of meeting him but he is still an important part of their life.

My Mum often accuses me of being like my Dad.     It is jokingly said as a put down, but I take it as a compliment as he was a good hard working person who put his family above everything.

Miss you Dad, and love you loads.

 

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