I have decided that I really have to spend time thinking about me in the whole mess that is going on around me. I have always been the type of person to put others above myself, it’s just the way I am. I do however realise that I have to be a little selfish every now and again, for my own mental health. If I don’t halt the breaks on the downward spiral I so often find myself in, then I will of no use to anyone. It is therefore not a selfish act to think of myself, but self preservation and also a less stressed Mummy means everyone else can be dealt with in a calmer manner!
The one thing I have always grabbed to, since a very young age is food. I can control what I eat, even if I can’t control anything else in my life. This of course is a dangerous way to think, and it has got a lot of people into trouble with problems with eating disorders. I know I become obsessive when I diet. I have spoken before about how my teenage years were spent either having meal replacements, or sticking my fingers down my throat. It’s horrible when something that is vital to life becomes the enemy. Society as a whole doesn’t take the issue seriously enough, with the attitude of just eat less and life will be wonderful. It really isn’t that easy as anyone who has need to drop any amount of weight will tell you. I find it hard to comprehend how smokers and drug addicts receive more help and support than food addicts. I was a fat baby, who became a fat toddler, then fat child, then fat adult. I have tried everything to try to lose weight, but nothing has ever really worked for me to change my attitude towards food, and subsequently all diets have failed. I worry about D, because as a fatty, he has had a ridiculous about of bullying through school, and in the wider community. He has an obsessive personality, so I try really hard to not make a big deal about it, for fear he will end up with an eating disorder. He has visited a dietitian at the children’s hospital. It was quite scary that her way to try to help a child was to scare him into not eating. She went through his diet diary, and after accusing me of falsifying it she told him he drank too much milk. It was a good month later before he would drink it again because in his black and white logic, to be told he drank too much meant he had to stop altogether.
At home I love to cook. The kitchen is my sanctuary. I am therefore always on the look out for recipes than sound interesting and are on the healthy side. Hubby takes the mickey out of me for the amount of pieces of paper I have which have either been torn out of magazines or I have written down. He would be horrified if he could see all those I have pinned on Pintrest!!
Several friends of mine do Slimming World, with varying degrees of success, so I decided to have a look at the sort of recipes that they deemed suitable. I was amazed at some of the lovely things available. I had done Weight Watchers, but found it wasn’t for me, and I spent half my time with looking up points values of everything I ate. It works for a lot of people, but just wasn’t for me. I had a look at the Slimming World website, but to be honest, I couldn’t justify the expense at the moment. Also I have such low self-image I know I would become too obsessed if I joined a class – my fear of failure would work against me and it just wouldn’t be enjoyable. I have therefore got the basic principles about what their philosophy is, and we are going to follow those to see how it goes. If after a while, I feel it is a good idea, then I might consider the cost of support. Watch this space!
Last week, I decided to try out some of their recipes. I didn’t tell anyone about it at this stage, as I was still trying to see if it was something I could do. Every evening, we had a recipe I had found that was deemed Slimming World friendly. M sneered at everything he was served, but that is not unusual when he is presented with new food. When he tried it, he was happy with the offerings. He is more than happy to offer his constructive criticism of everything I serve! Hubby was most impressed on the night I served him a steak!
Hubby is on board, but a little half heartedly when we saw how he had to restrict the amount of mocha he drank! I am not going to force it, as I know from experience, that you have to be in the right state of mind to make this work.
I sat down with D, who loves spending time in the kitchen – he has said if being a gamer doesn’t work out, he wouldn’t mind being a chef, and said I had some great recipes. We talked about how they were all healthier recipes, and therefore they would help us get fitter and healthier. I told him we could enjoy some good food at the same time as eating better. His response? “If we are good now, we wont feel guilty about eating gelato in Italy!” He had a very good point!
Like starting any new eating regime, it takes a while to get into. Last week however, with only dipping my toe into what it was all about, I managed to lose 4lbs, so I was mega excited. I have menu planned for this week, but with the kids off school for the mid-term break Thursday and Friday, it might not be followed 100%.
I will keep you informed as to how it is going, and if I find any really interesting recipes I will be letting you know.
For now, I am feeling more positive than I have in a very long time. I am taking control again, and that has to be a huge step in the right direction.