I know its been an absolute age since I sat down and properly wrote something. The truth is my head as been all over the place with everything going on recently that I have been walking through my days on auto pilot to try to just keep my head from exploding.
There has been nothing particularly bad happening, it just seems everything happens at once and I am doing all I can not to sink and drown.
Lets just whizz through everything that has been going on and then maybe I can draw that mental line underneath some off it so my head becomes slightly less cluttered.
I’ll be selfish for once, and start with whats going on with me. About 8 years ago I was diagnosed with the beginnings of arthritis in my knees. I wasn’t too surprised, as my Mum was riddle with it by the time she was mid-forties. I had pretty much learned to live with the twinges, but it became really bad in my left hip, a couple of months back. It was so painful at times that I found I had to stand still every few steps because the pain was unbearable. Eventually, Hubby persuaded me I needed to go to the doctors – as you may know, I hate going to the docs with a frightenly strong passion. When I was at the appointment, I gave the doctor the history of every ache, and pain I was in. She prescribed some anti-inflammatory tablets, as she believed those add in with the painkillers I was already taking would settle the problem down to an acceptable level. She then said I was sounding a little bit down. I had to agree with her, that down was about where I was! She decided to increase my mad pills – I know that is totally not PC, but it’s what I call them. She said being in constant pain and being a carer for 3 people, were certain triggers for depression to be rearing its ugly head higher than usual. She wanted to see me back after a month. Well, adding the new pills meant the pain in my hip was reduced to level it was before it became bad, and that meant I could move around much more easily. Also not waking up in pain meant I didn’t start every day with a frown! It was wonderful. The mad pills meant I was more aware of myself, if not feeling totally on an even keel. It was a nicer place to be as me. When I went back to the docs, she was happy my aches and pains were more manageable, and has now put the prescription onto repeat. She was though not convinced the mad pills were doing enough for me. She gave me two options. The first being to try another medication, but that would mean having to come off what I was already taking before I could try something else. I really didn’t like the sound of going backwards before I could think about moving forward. The second option was to continue on the present medication but be referred for talking therapy. While I am not convinced about what this might achieve, I decided it was the less bad of the options presented. She is therefore going to refer me to this, but she wants me to see her in six weeks just to make sure I am not sliding in the wrong direction! For me the most positive thing about this, is to be taken seriously that things aren’t right. By getting it off my chest, I believe it is the first step towards balancing my mind! I will forever be a little bit barmy, but I’m proud of that side of me!
Hubby had been doing really well since returning to work last year, but he was becoming angry and agitated again. He went to the doctors and has been signed off for three weeks with anxiety. I don’t suppose its right that I feel a little irked that he gets signed off to help him recover while I just have to get on with my problems while keeping everyone else going, and add worrying about him to the equation. He is back to the doctors this week, to see how to move forward. Seeing his mood diary, I can’t really see that he’s making much progress in the right direction, so I hope the doctor has some bright ideas of how to help him.
Old Person, doesn’t tend to change much. She is in pain much of the time. Usually she doesn’t let it get her down, but occasionally, she becomes really miserable, and takes it out on those near by, usually me as I’m here 24/7. She was given acupuncture for the pain in her shoulder this week, so it will be interesting to see if that helps her at all. We are still waiting to get her a spot in daycare. I think spending time with other people will be good for her, even if she only moans about it when she gets home!
M has done well going to school since the Christmas holidays. It has been a struggle most mornings, but he has got there. He has though had to come home for lunch every day. It is a huge backward step, but if it helps him to cope with his day, by taking a break from the stress of being at school, then I am prepared to allow it to happen. It does mean I am tied to the house having to be around for midday, but so be it. He has only had one day that his meltdown was so bad he couldn’t get dressed and get to school. He is however extremely clingy with me a lot of the time, and I will get hugs and kisses with no warning or reason, other than he needs the reassurance of Mummy contact. We have finally got his rescheduled appointment to meet with the psychiatrist at the family mental health unit, which had been cancelled just before Christmas. I am just hoping they will be able to give him and us, some help with how to alleviate some of the negative feelings he is having about leaving the house and interacting with other people. In the mean time, it is a case of playing it one day at a time, and dealing with issues, such as substitute teachers, and general upset, as they arise.
D has continued being poorly, but on the whole has managed to get to school. However, within the last 4 weeks, he has been sent home of 3 occasions because he has been sick. We finally managed to get him a doctor’s appointment. The doctors first thought was there was something upsetting him at school that was causing his desire not to be there – other than him vocalizing he isn’t happy at school, he loves learning and he hasn’t said about any bullying towards himself, even though he is extremely worried about one of his closest friends who is being bullied by two of his classmates because he is Polish – there is only one place racism like that comes from, and that’s not for now to talk about. The doctor had D pee in a pot, but that showed nothing untoward. He then surmised that it was probably migraines that was causing it. It would make sense, as both Hubby and M suffer with them. At least knowing this, meant that we don’t have to keep him off school for the 48 hour rule as it is known not to be anything contagious – well, this is how the rule was interpreted when M was diagnoses, but D’s teacher told him off for returning to school having been sick the previous day, the school office was pleased though that we were at last able to say what was wrong with him! D has also had a trip to A & E this week when he bashed his hand so bad that it was very swollen and painful to move. He had it x-rayed, and nothing was broken, but he had soft tissue damage. He was told to be careful with it and do gently finger strumming exercises to help the swelling subside. I hope that’s his trips to the hospital done for this year!
So, as you can see, there has been so much going on with everyone. For now though we are getting through things and hopefully be feeling sunnier before spring arrives. For the boys, I think the fact they have the mid-term break from Thursday of this coming week, is a positive to settle them – I hope so anyway. I am however unconvinced that will do much for my head!
As usual, I am trying hard not to be a half-empty glass person, but I want to get back to the place where I don’t care if the glass full, half-full, or half-empty, it should all be about the contents of the glass and how it makes your life!
Thanks for making it to the end of this waffle.