Best Laid Plans

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It seems when things aren’t going as well as one would hope, everything conspires to make it worse!       Or maybe it is just me and my ability to see the negative rather than the positive at the moment.

Hubby had booked a day off work for yesterday.      After my initial reservations because I did little in the house last week, with 2 poorly boys home, I thought it would be nice to have some grown up time.     For Christmas, we were given some gift voucher for the large shopping centre in the city, and so we decided to go for lunch.     There is quite a large selection of restaurants in the centre, all be it chain restaurants, but a free feed is always a nice though.     Sunday evening, we had a look online and decide to go to one of the restaurants we don’t usually go to, after all if we didn’t like as much as somewhere we usually go, it wasn’t too disastrous and we would know not to go back and spend our own money there!!

I was really looking forward to it.      Hubby took the boys to school, so I could get on with the jobs I needed to do.

Then the phone rang!

It was the physio for Old Person.     She would be in to check on her shoulder at 2pm.      I was not impressed that she had agreed without checking it was a suitable time, and Hubby went totally off on one.       I sometimes think he forgets that I have commitments which have to take priority.   I am convinced he doesn’t realise that I am stuck in this house all day every day without time to think about me, and what I want for a lot of it.     The thought of just a couple of hours out, being Jane the human adult, rather than chief cook and bum wiper was amazing.       I didn’t want to cancel, but I had no choice.    Old Person gets too confused to have medical appointments without someone there to listen to what is being said to make sure she is being honest about what is going on – it’s not that she lies, but she underplays the difficulties she has and the pain she is in almost every time she sees someone.

I just feel I am being pulled in so many directions some days that I just want to cry – or maybe that’s just my age that’s making me overly emotional!

The physio arrived and gave her shoulder a good workout!      She agreed with the GP that Old Person has a frozen shoulder, but she believes by the limit of movement and the noises it makes that there may be a problem with arthritis there too.     She is going to refer her to get it x-rayed to find out.      She is also going to speak to the GP to ask about injections to help with the pain.      The exercises that have to be done are quite funny as she is moving her head, here, there and everywhere – one shouldn’t laugh but sometimes you just have to!     Hopefully all this will help to alleviate the pain Old Person has in her shoulder, because I think if it gets worse and she is unable to use her zimmer, life is going to become very difficult for her, and on a selfish note, for me too.     It is however being actioned and hopefully improvement will be seen.

After that Hubby and I were up to the school for a meeting about M and the problems he has been having recently.      We spoke with his teacher and the depute, and they listened to what we had to say.    I, of course cried a lot, I can’t help myself, I get overly emotional at the thought of anyone bullying another person, and of course when its your own child on the receiving end, it is heart breaking.       They will speak to the children in question, without directly mentioning M – while he wants the situation to be resolved, he is petrified of retribution.      I am under  no illusion that my children are anything more than the ratbags that they are, and I don’t want more for them than any other child, but equally I don’t want any less for them.     When the education authority talks about being inclusive and rights respecting, then that is what we need to see in action.      I do believe on the whole the situation M finds himself is more a case of kids being kids and not necessarily realising their actions have consequences to a child who is emotional immature.    However, there are instances when it is malicious and they know which buttons to push to get him into trouble.       I came out of the meeting feeling angry with myself for letting emotion get in the way of being able to talk sensibly, but despite that, we were given a fair hearing, and I do believe as much as can be actioned will be.       When we got home, I spoke with M about what had been said, and the first thing he said was “Will Mrs M be helping me with my problems?”        It is heart-breaking to hear him understand that the way he is treated being a problem, and I hope knowing he has adults that are there for him will help.     It is easy to say if he is hurting or feeling scared he needs to talk to someone, but I know from personal experience that doing so is the hardest thing in the world.     We know that M’s migraines are stress related, and we have to help him find a way to reduce the situations that cause the stress.

I do feel a failure as a parent that I cant protect my child from the nastiness of the world.    I imagine most parents feel like this at times.     All we can do it try to equip them with the correct tools to handle these situations in the best way possible.     For M this means learning to trust adults so he feels he can turn to them when he is asked to do something he knows is wrong.    It is to help him understand that walking away from a person or situation that is not making you happy is a positive thing.   In fact, these are life lessons that we all need to learn, as too many of us have toxic people and situations we put up with because its easier to tolerate them than face them and deal with them.        I don’t want to teach my child to be jaded by others, but sometimes you have to help them understand self-preservation is a good trait to encourage.

We all need to look after ourselves as well as the rest of humanity.

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2 responses »

  1. That lesson we keep having to teach kids about how to deal with difficult or even toxic people is always SOOOO hard. We’ve had to do it over and over again, even having to offer advice and support now, when they’re in college. Honestly, I think that one is a life-long lesson because I still have trouble with it myself!

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