I haven’t really made any resolutions as such for this year, after all, who makes them with the intention of them lasting! I have instead decided to make this the year of me! Now, I don’t mean I am going to ignore everyone else and turn into a selfish so-and-so, but I am going to stop forgetting about me. Looking after everyone else is my life, and while I might moan about it, I accept that it gives me great satisfaction and self-worth. I am however, like many of us, totally guilty about forgetting that I need to be thought of, and that has to start with myself. I am happy to call myself mother and advocate for my 2 gorgeous ASD boys. I am getting used to the idea of my Mum being so reliant on me, however difficult it is to accept the parent becoming the child. I love my Hubby and have happily stood by him during his health issues in the last year – although if anyone knows a good cure for snoring it would help me not contemplate Hubbicide every night!! I am however still Jane, a human being in my own right underneath all the other layers I put on! This is what I want to think about a little more.
One reason I think this has been on my mind, is the impending big birthday I have in the summer. Many of my school chums have already gone through it, but I was always the baby of the crowd so will be one of the last. I think when we get milestones like these, it does make us reflect on where we are and how we have got there. We evaluate and then re-evaluate what we are doing and why. I don’t think I have ever made plans for life, it has just happened. I left school with almost no qualifications, and went to college because I didn’t know what else to do. 2 years later I was still none the wiser about my life so went and did a different course at college. I then got a job, and when I was bored with that, I got another job, and so it went on, accidentally working my way up the career ladder. I worked with the attitude it was a necessary evil, and so make the most of it. Many of the kids who worked for me responded well to this way of working and I got the best out of them, and hopefully instilled a work ethic in them of enjoy your work, but give it 100%. I am a southerner through and through and never imagined I would move away, but here I am living in the North-East of Scotland. Things happen that you just go with. Hubby and I became friends, we got engaged after 3 months, I moved up here, 3 months later, and another 3 months later we were married! It just happened. Life has continued to just stumble along. It’s not a complaint, but an observation of my lot.
My first thing for the year, is to have dusted off my Weight Watcher books and have made the decision we need to get back to healthy eating. We have been having some quite lovely meals, and nobody seems have noticed they are a healthy alternative, other than in a positive way. I wont be beating myself up if I fall and fancy something that’s on the naughty list. I will enjoy and move on. I don’t want to make this a miserable time by obsessing about something that has been a problem in my life for all of my life. I’m just going to do my best to make sure I keep going a little long on this mortal coil!
Next thing is to sort out my physical health. I was diagnosed with arthritis in my left knee about 8 years back, but have lived with it. Last year though my left hip started playing up, and so just before Christmas I went to the doctors. He wasn’t sure if the pain was as a result of how I walk to compensate for my knee, or if I had arthritis there too. Either way, he thought a trip to the physio was in order. The physio believes that because of the limited movement there is probably some arthritis, but with some exercises it will strength the area, and stopping my curtsying as I walk along. Time will tell on this one. I do blame my Mum for this, as she has her first hip replacement before she was 50!
I have suffered with headaches for years, and so forced myself to talk to the doctors about them. He poked and pulled at my shoulders and said I have a twisted muscle, I think he said it was called the trapezium muscle but wouldn’t be sure! It is the muscle that runs up from the shoulder through the neck. He said there are various causes for this muscle being damaged, from poor posture, to irregular sleep, to stress, and the one that made me laugh was having a big bust! He has given me some tablets but has warned me that they might make my stomach start playing up again!!! I just hope they keep the sore head at bay!
I am also making sure the other inhabitants in the house learn to pull their weight. So far I have fallen out with both children about cleaning up after themselves, and Hubby for not knowing how the dishwasher opens. I think this is the thing I am going to have the most difficulty with as rather than fall out with everyone, it’s easier to do it myself! It’ll be a fine line I walk as I pick my battles.
So it is onwards and upwards from here until the summer.