For @%!$ sake

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I am sure there are some very well-behaved people in this world who never feel the need to swear. I really admire the self-control of these individuals.

I swear. There are probably only a few of the commonly know swear words I don’t use. I don’t feel the need to swear in usual conversation, after all there are so many great words in the English language that can be used, but some times only an expletive will do.   I do however try to make sure I’m not adding the colourful language around the children. As they continue through the education system, the things they learn outside the classroom will probably include a lot worse than I say.

There was a funny incident last year when D was in hospital. The girl in the bed opposite him was watching the Disney film Brave – it is probably my least favourite of the modern Disney movies because it is so slow.   Anyway, she didn’t just watch it once, or twice, but constantly back to back – it must have been a comfort to her. By the third day, and the 43rd time of it going on, I must have said quietly, so the girl and her Mother didn’t hear, ” Not bloody Brave again!”. Unfortunately, it must have been loud enough for D to hear, and the next time it started, he said “Bloody Brave again!”. Now, this was one of those moments where I didn’t know if I should laugh or want the floor to swallow me up! However, ever since, the film has been known as Bloody Brave in our house. D has been told, that it is not acceptable to say that word though under any other circumstance.

A few times D has come home from school asking what certain words mean, and we explain to him that they are grown up words that aren’t very nice and we don’t use them when we talk to people. He is quite happy to accept this but it doesn’t stop him asking about them as he hears them – as with everything, D needs a full explanation about everything he is told so as to be able to process it and file it in the correct part of his brain.

There aren’t many positive things about M’s isolation at school but one of them is he doesn’t really pick up too many bad habits from other children, after all they learn a lot from their peer group and he doesn’t have one. He has been known to copy behaviour he has observed from a distance but it doesn’t usually become part of who he is, because he doesn’t see how to integrate it into his personal make up.

Over the weekend though, we had a shocking moment. M was on the computer watching Squid on YouTube – something he often does. D was playing a game on the telly, and he was stuck. He went over to M to ask for help – because M watches so many how to videos, he is quite an expert on these games. M didn’t even both to turn around, and acknowledge his presence, but instead just said “Why don’t you just F*** off?” I was sitting on the sofa, in the same room, and for a moment, I wasn’t sure if I had heard what I thought M had said. I asked what he had said, and D was happy to tell me – anything to get his brother into trouble, he was told not to repeat it. M was removed from the room, for some time out. Timeout really frustrates M, not in the way it should, I’ve been naughty, I’m being punished, but in a way that if he is left too long, he becomes panicky, so we have to time it right to talk to him. He was asked why he had said what he did, and his response was that D was annoying him – bad choice of words, but at least used in the correct context. We had quite a talk about why there are some words that are just too horrible to use, and therefore they were not to be repeated. He apologised to me, and said he needed to say sorry to D, which he did by the two of them shaking hands!

Hubby and I talked about this, and we are sure he is not hearing this on the videos he watches on the computer, as we are quite strict as to who he can and can’t view. We agreed we would have to make sure he wasn’t hearing us swear – something we have always endeavoured to do anyway.

Then yesterday evening, once again, D annoyed M, and this time he was told to p*** off. Once again he was removed from the room, and lost all privileges – computer, games machines, and tablet. When I spoke to him again, he was very agitated. I asked him where he was hearing these phrases, and he became so stressed that I was unable to pursue the matter further.

It is quite shocking to hear things like this come out of M’s mouth. To be honest, if it was D I wouldn’t be surprised with his fiery temper. M has been told that he has to think before he speaks, because if he chooses to swear again, he will continue to lose the things he enjoys.

For now we will keep our ears open, and hope it is just a boundary pushing phase he is going through. I f***ing hope so anyway!

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4 responses »

  1. I am so enjoying your blog and as a childminder I’m learning so much from them, keep doing what you are doing, both boys are lovely and I’m starting to understand asd so much better. Thank you.

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