Butter on the bread.

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I’m feeling pretty rough today. It came on yesterday, and I am just full of head cold. It’s not really surprising, as both boys have had time off school in the past couple of weeks with various bugs that have been doing the rounds. I think with my lack of sleep over the weekend, my body gave in, and let the germs run riot, leaving me feeling pretty crud!

It is only when you are out of action that I think your worth is really acknowledged, and you yourself realise all that you do, without thinking, and without need or desire for praise – although, it would be nice for your efforts to be noticed just once in a while. It is though as they say, its only when you don’t do something that it gets noticed!

Last night as soon as Hubby got home from work, I went to wallow in a hot bath. The whole time I am in there, all, I can hear is bickering, then there is a steady parade of people in and out of the bathroom, to complain about what the other one is doing – don’t tell me I should lock the door, as locked doors panic M to the stage of total meltdown.

As I got out the bath, I hear goings on downstairs, and D is leaving home – again. He got as far as opening the front door, stark naked, before Hubby managed to grab him and get him back into the house. Not letting him escape though leads to all kinds of verbal abuse, about how much he hates us all – a phrase he has been using a lot recently.

Eventually they both get to bed, and settled. I then decided I should tidy up downstairs and make M’s lunch bag for today. Hubby, was lovely, and said he would do it, and I was to go to bed. He then comes up to check what goes into a lunch bag, then again to ask where the bread is – somehow they had managed to eat all of the rolls I had made with the casserole they had for tea! Off he goes to complete his task, and I hear cussing and swearing. I go down, thinking something is wrong, only to find, that he was murdering the loaf of bread, trying to slice it!!!!!

Today, Hubby is working from home, so he said he would take the boys up to the school to allow me to have a rest. Great I thought, a lie in is just what I need. Ha ha! D decided he was too ill to go to school, and had the most amazing row with his Dad, screaming and yelling about how much he hated him – yes, too ill for school, but plenty of energy to have a tantrum. He refused to put clothes on, and I had to dress him. He refused to pack his bag, I did it. He refused to put his coat on, I did it for him. Hubby said he would have to talk to D’s teacher, but this just sent him even further into despair. There had been a situation at school yesterday where one boy had kicked him – and was chastised by loosing golden time, and another incident where a group of them were in the toilets washing hands before lunchtime, and one child jumped out on another, the child reported the incident and all the boys were given a warning, including D. He was very upset by this, as he’s never been in trouble at school before, but says he doesn’t want to talk to the teacher about what happened. His lack of desire to talk to the teacher he loves and trusts above all else, is worrying because it either means he was doing something he shouldn’t have been doing, or he is frightened of the child involved and doesn’t want to rock the boat – this child has bullied him in the past. Either way, it is no surprise how volatile he actually is at the moment – thank goodness today is the last day before the mid-term break.   Anyway, I managed to get him out of the house and Hubby said by the time he got to school he had calmed, so he looked his usual petrified self by the time the bell went.

So I didn’t get much of a lay in, but it was good not to have to go out this morning where is was so cold!!!

I think I have realised, that while most of the time I get on with my lot without complaining too much, I should occasionally stick my head up and say “What about me!”. We all have our positions within any unit, and a family is no different, although the lines are far more fluid than in many other areas of our life. And this brings me to explaining the title of this entry. I am saying, that we as a family, are like a sandwich, the bread is a major factor, as is the filling, but it is the invisible butter that moistens it, and sticks it all together. You don’t always notice it, and sometimes wonder what it’s actually achieving, but take it away, and it’s just not right, something very important is missing.

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