Suddenly her age.


My relationship with my Mum has been quite up and down over the years. I love her to bits, and I am sure I always will, after all, she is my Mum. Like most close relationships though we have clashed quite regularly over the years. When I was at college, I suppose I was going through a time of self discovery, and we didn’t get on at all, so much so that when I left home, I moved to a ting village in the middle of nowhere in North Wales to work in a hotel. It was a lovely job, and I met some great people. I think however, going to far away, made me realise how much I actually needed my family, and I therefore moved closer to home a couple of years later, finally moving back home when I was offered a job a stones throw from there.

When my Dad died, it made us close. My brother lived away, and so we didn’t see much of him. We therefore started doing things together, and I suppose for the first time in my life, we became chums. When Hubby and I decided to get together, one thing I stated without hesitation was I couldn’t move to the other end of the country without her – and by then I had actually bought the family home so needed to sell it if I moved!!    She agreed to the move, saying it was my time now.

She has become more frail over the past few years, but as much as she sometimes annoys the hell out of me, she has been mentally competent, even if her body hasn’t always kept up with her.

She is presently waiting for a hip realignment, having had the original one put in about 20 years ago. The consultant was quite blunt with her, telling her that because of her age the operation might kill her. Not really the thing you want to hear when you are awaiting surgery, but I suppose they have to give you worst case scenario. I do though think these comments about her age have had an impact on her, and she started to realise she was in the final chapter. Her whole mental attitude seemed to change. We have had a lot of flippant comments about how she’s not going to be about for much longer and things like that.     I think it has made her consider her own existence.

Last week she started complaining about feeling unwell. Now, I am not good with poorly people, and so I said, either go to the doctors or stop moaning – not quite in those words but that was my inference. To my surprise, she made an appointment to see the doctor for that day. The doctor said she had an abscess on her bum – now if it wasn’t so serious there would be numerous joke I could make at this point, but I will choose not to. She has been given antibiotics, and told it’ll take about a week before she feels any better. She started the course of medication on Friday, and on Saturday, she got up as normal, but looked terrible, so I suggested she went back to bed, which she did without complaint. She has now been in bed for 2 days, going into the third. Today I moved her to our bed, so I could change her sheets, and give her a wash. She is still complaining about feeling terrible, and she looks it. She suddenly looks her age. She is a frail old lady who need help to wah and change her PJ’s.    It is a shock to see her looking so ill.    When the child becomes the parent, it changes so many thing.

I suppose seeing her like this makes me think about her mortality, and that is really scary. This year her brother, my Uncle died, and just this past week, her cousin has died. This can’t be doing her mental state much good to see people of a similar age to her no longer with us. The thought of being without her, fills me with dread and fear. I know the day will come but I had never really imagined it before, now, seeing her poorly and helpless, makes me scared.

For now though we will concentrate on getting her better. I will continue running up and down the stairs with cups of tea, and her medication at the appropriate times, and hope that once she gets over this, then she will be back to her usual moaning status!


6 responses »

  1. You’re right, the mental aspect of it must be such a big thing. It’s one thing to be old and ill and it’s an annoyance, another to be so old that you wonder if you will ever come out of this illness 😦
    Hope you are keeping strong and well, with looking after your mum too.

  2. Pingback: Its been a long few days. | ASD Mummy with issues.

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