As with many people, today is a day for reflection on another busy year.
I was going to talk about all that has happened in the boys world during the past 12 months, but Hubby was up before me this morning – in my defence I was up with a poorly M in the night, and he has written a piece on his blog summing up all they have done. It seems silly to repeat it all, so if you haven’t read it with him, then here it is – https://jas2jar.wordpress.com/2013/12/31/an-up-and-down-asd-year/
I am therefore sitting here with the dregs of the Quality Street tin – its only ever the orange chocolate crunch left by this time, and am thinking about what I have achieved in the last 12 months.
A year ago, I was coming to the end of a horrible couple of year. I had hit rock bottom, and with the help of my wonderful Hubby – don’t tell him I called him that, I decided I need to find a way to lock away the darkness from trying to take over my world. My GP had suggested counselling, but the waiting list was so long, that I would probably have been in my cross armed jacket in my padded room by the time I got seen. I am not good at talking about my problems with people I care about, so although friends offered coffee and a chat on regular basis, opening up never seemed to be something I was comfortable with, the thought of burdening someone else with my problems just never came into focus for me, I am the shoulder others use when they need one, and not the one asking for somebody elses. I read a few blogs from people within the autism community, which I found helpful at realising we weren’t alone with many of the issues most families with neuro-typical children don’t face. It was while reading one of these, I wondered if I should maybe write down how I was feeling and how it effected those around me. My blog was born.
I had a lot of anger to let out when I started writing, and I soon got into trouble with the school because I recounted things as I saw them, and how they effected my family. Lets just say, I wasn’t the most tactful in my execution of this, and I was called to the school and told in no uncertain terms to tone it down as teachers were afraid to go near my children for fear of what I might say about them! Thinking about it now, it is laughable, but at the time, I was still very delicate, and it destroyed me for a while. I didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything, and I closed down. The last thing I had wanted to do was make trouble, and especially not if it was going to effect my children. I deleted the blog and all of its contents, even though I believed I had said nothing that was untrue. Everything I had written was about how situations made me feel, and how that then effected my actions.
After a short time, I decided, writing had been good for me. I might never be able to pour my feelings out face to face, but to think about them, and organise them helped to deal with situations and draw a line under many things. I thought I must do what is best for me. I came back a little bit softer.
My writing has never been about anything but me, and every day when I look and see that so many people have taken a look at what is happening in our little world, I am totally humbled. I write like I am just chatting, and I am sure my old English teacher – Miss Harvey, would have a fit at my poor grammar, and if it wasn’t for spell checker, my screen would be covered in red ink! I thank everyone who has come by and read what I put out in the public forum. To those that have taken the time to comment and give me feedback, I really appreciate it. I am not here to give advice or act as an expert on anything I talk about, but instead, I talk about how we muddled through and if it worked or not for us. If you find anything I say helpful, then that really does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside that I might have been able to help in any way, but I am only the expert on my two little ASDers, and no others.
I want to wish everyone a happy Hogmanay. If you are partying, then please stay safe and let someone else do the driving, both tonight and in the morning.
I hope 2014 is a good year, filled with positive things you want from it. I just hope you are happy and healthy.
Take Care, xxx