I don’t mean I want to curl up in bed and go to sleep, but instead that I’m feeling drained.
I think it is has been a hectic couple of weeks, and with the rush toward Christmas, I just feel overwhelmed at the moment. I imagine I am not the only person looking at the calendar and thinking of all the things I need to do in the next four weeks.
I think part of the problem is sleep related, and that is I can be totally shattered, but as soon as I get to bed, I am not sleepy – then Hubby starts snoring and sleep would elude anyone! It is therefore a bind to be all cheery when M decides to start the day. I must say though that while M still wakes up ridiculously early, he is getting a good routine of how to deal with it. He will go to the loo, and then hopefully come into us – we have often found him curled up on the bathroom floor where he has been too tired to put himself back to bed, which is fine in the summer, but not so good at this time of year. If he is up past 4am, he crawls into our bed – up gets up the back of 5 so it’s not a big deal, but if it is before 4am, he goes back to his bed. Once Hubby as gone to work, I then get a constant time check, until 7am, which is the time he is allowed to switch the telly on – I probably should let him switch it on earlier if it would shut him up, but changing rules once they are made is a no go area.
I also think I’m emotionally drained because of all the hospital visits recently. I am just waiting for the appointment to get my tonsils removed, having been given the all clear for it to go ahead.
I am of course really worried about D and the thought of him going into hospital in the New Year. Knowing something is for the best doesn’t make it any easier not to worry about it!
Yesterday morning, I took time out for coffee with a friend and just blathered for a couple of hours, putting the world to rights. It was a lovely break from all the jobs my brain is telling me I really must be getting on with. It did however mean I went into headless chicken mode in the afternoon to try to catch up with things. I know it’s a silly attitude, but I just can stop myself feeling guilty if I am not being busy.
I think the only way to put my mind to rest is to draw up a plan of where I am in the preparations, and when things need doing. That way, I might allow myself some peace of mind!
I already have many lists going. There is the list of who gets what for Christmas, there is the list of when people are out and about during December, and there is of course the food shopping list.
I think I need to write one that says Jane don’t forget about yourself!
I think I find Christmas quite stressful. I can honestly say I enjoy the preparations for it far more fun than the actual day, as I spend that making sure everyone else is having fun and has everything they need. I am happy on Christmas Day when everyone has gone to bed, and I can reflect on it, and hopefully say to myself they all had the best day possible.
I know I’m hard on myself, and certain people will tell me just to chill because it will happen however much I stress about it, but that just isn’t me. I need to know it will go as smoothly as possible. I need to know everyone is happy with their lot for the festive season. I suppose I am a subservient person by nature – which was why I loved the hospitality industry so much, and therefore pleasing others is what I do.
In the mean time, I will make coffee, and sharpen my pencil, as I need to make a list!