All praise D!


It was D’s choice for games night this evening, and as usual he chose to do a game on the wii – the rest of us usually choose a board or card game because it means everyone can play.

We have had many a short games night playing the likes of Family Games night and the meltdowns caused by it, so instantly the wii was mentioned for this evening I went into the not again mode.   I do wonder if constantly anticipating the worst causes it to happen or if I have just experienced the outcome so often I can’t see any other conclusion.

However this evening he decided it was going to be a Mario cart tournament.       Now, I love Mario cart, but can’t play it for long before it starts to make me feel sick, it’s a horrible feeling, a bit like real motion sickness, and I have to move away.     M doesn’t like playing it, because D is so competitive that he really isn’t fun to play with, and as M isn’t that good at it, he chooses not to be abused by D.     Old person just sits there and moans she is missing whichever 30-year-old repeats are on Challenge TV, and how cold it is – despite having the heating on.    That then leaves Hubby to play with him.     Hubby hasn’t really learned the skill of giving the kids a chance – now I’m not saying let them win all the time, because that gives them false belief in themselves, but I do think they should learn that they can win with trying and learning how to do things.     Hubby though plays to win and win well every time.  He plays so we end up with kids that don’t like playing with him.    He is almost as bad as D when he looses.

D though loves Mario cart, and has played it a lot.     When he first started with it, he was rubbish at it because he didn’t accept that he needed to work at it to get better, and so I often ended up switching it off to have the screaming only lasting a short time and directed at me, rather than constant and directed at himself.       Over time though he became very good, and he can now give his Dad a good run for his money.

D is playing by himself to warm up for the main tournament.   He is sat stark naked crossed legged in the middle of the living room floor.     He is screaming at the screen every time he goes down to second place as not being first means he is rubbish – in his mind anyway!      I get so annoyed by this attitude as I am not a competitive person, and therefore believe if something is making you so sad and angry, give up on it – why make yourself sad by a stupid game?    Just my opinion as I know so many people love to be competitive, but the only person I feel a need to compete against is myself as I am the only person I should need to better.

However, I digress.

D started winning races, and M who was sitting playing a game on his tablet, started cheering for D.   It was lovely to see how he was pleased for his brother.           For all the times they fight and say they hate each other, they do really care and it is lovely to see that in action.     M can’t say to D that he loves him, he just finds using that level of emotional out pouring impossible, but when you see how happy he is when D does good then you know how he really feels.   It is beautiful to see, I just wish D would accept the praise and excitement M puts onto him as a positive thing!

As with most things D does well, he is constantly telling you how good he is, and with ever race he won, we kept having to answer the question of who the greatest Mario cart player ever is!    But, as soon as he starts not winning – I wont even call it losing to be 2nd, he starts verbally abusing everyone around him, and it is usually M who comes off worst.    It is sad, that D can’t see that M is his greatest fan in everything he does, and he does love him to bits despite not being able to vocalise it.    Instead for D, M is a punching bag to give both physical and verbal abuse to.    It is sad to see.       I don’t know how many times I have told them, I would like them to be friends,  but can understand if they aren’t, but they need to respect each others right to not being hurt, physically or emotionally.

It’s great to see D happy, but you just know it’s not going to last.


7 responses »

  1. When I was at Uni multi player Quake was the big thing. It turned into a team thing against other Unis and sighhhh the sight of grown men down in the computer cellar (it was always the men) shouting at their team mates because they’d done something wrong… It’s like something unhinges them.

    It really felt like I was there in your living room reading this, it was so vivid.

    The ultra competitiveness is such a shame. It seems to be more hard wired into some children than others. Mine aren’t so hard on themselves as D when not winning, but one of mine couldn’t understand the concept that equally important to winning was to be a fun person to play with, otherwise no-one would want to play with her.

    I am terrible at Kart. My hands get tired holding down the accelerator so I always lose.

    That’s lovely in M to see him rooting for his brother. Mine hardly ever do that now and I miss it 😦

    • D is a perfectionist and is very hard on himself when he doesn’t achieve to the standard he has set. To praise him for something that hasn’t met that benchmark can have horrible consequences.

      • I know the feeling! Not quite so horrible as round yours, but it’s weird how some children have a very set idea of where they need to be to achieve what they want. I suppose it’s a question of people learning to adapt their desires to what suits the outside world and that can be hard when it’s such a fundamental drive.

        Must be wearing on you.

      • It’s strange not to be able to get inside someone’s logic – I’ve found that the barriers to her seeing her own achievement are far stronger than any kind of reasoning.

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