Life is one huge learning curve and as soon as we stop moving along it, we fester and our brains don’t want to function effectively. This is my opinion anyway.
The old saying that we learn something new every day is so true, even if we aren’t sure what we have learned, if we stop to think, there is usually something.
Since the boys have become little humans – rather than babies and toddlers, I have realised what an amazing learning journey I have started. When they are small, I think we do everything by instinct, and sometimes it works and other times we screw up, but we learn without realising it. We learn to make the world our children are in to be as safe and effective for them as possible. I don’t think this is anything to do with them having ASD’s, it’s all about being a parent.
Having said that though, I think as a parent of a child with additional needs, we often put pressure on ourselves to learn everything much quicker and with a deeper understanding. We have to get it right, because our kids are being looked at – both professionally and publicly. We can’t afford too many mistakes. RUBBISH! This kind of pressure we put upon ourselves is probably the first thing we have to learn to dump. Our kids are just kids. OK, we have to take into account any medical advice we may have been given to follow, but at the end of the day they are just children. They are growing up and discovering the world around them as whatever perimeters we have learned to put in place. They will make huge mistakes along the way, and we will chastise them, and try to teach them how to learn from the mistakes. However, the bigger thing is, they will have successes. Success that we have at times been told they will never achieve. Success that to any other parent would be meaningless, but to us are huge. Everyone of these positive steps has to be celebrated and encouraged, because they are the stars in the sky lighting our children’s way.
I am a huge believer in positive motivation. If you keep telling someone they are doing it wrong or they aren’t succeeding, what will it do? It will lower self-esteem until the person believes they are incapable of success. However positivity can only help a person strive to do their best. When someone screws up, rather than putting them down, find something that they did do well, and ask for their input as to how it could be done differently next time. The time and effort spent nurturing can make a huge difference. If someone believes they can achieve, they will try so much harder to do so.
I love my children without falter. I do however often dislike them! They can be vicious, and spiteful, but with the right encouragement, they can learn. They can grow as human being to be the best they can, and then they can learn to push the barrier of expectations.
So what have I learned this holiday?
I have had my belief in how wonderfully unique my children are reaffirmed.
I have learned they are now loving caring little boys who need the right encouragement for this side of their personalities to shine more often.
I have learned I would not change either of them. Yes, I would help and encourage them to control their oddities, so they can function easier in society – and that is easier for them and not everyone else, but I wouldn’t change who they are right now. I am not saying I would have chosen to have 2 special children, but I have and this is who they are, and who I celebrate.
I think I am grateful for being a helper at the Summer club, because it has made me realise how lucky I am to have 2 boys I am so positive about. To have children, who when they don’t follow a rule, it’s because they haven’t understood it, and not because they are being disagreeable for the sake of it.
I have learned to accept I am not the toughest person out there, but when things upset me, there is a reason for it. It might be to make me stronger, or it might be because I have to learn something from a situation, but I have to look for the reason.
So what I think has come out of the last few weeks, is a better understanding of my boys, as they continue to develop their own individuality. I love them dearly and hope our continued learning curves show more successes than not, because there is only so much this old brain can take in!!!