D had received an invitation to a party at the local soft play centre, for today. He was very excited about it, as it was from his number one girlfriend!
M wasn’t invited, and was quite upset by this as he knows the girl quite well, and often plays with her when she comes over here. We therefore said, that if he want, he could come to the party, and we would pay for him to go into the soft play. He was quite excited by this idea.
Now, I’m not sure about other parents, but I love it when mine do get invitations to party’s and the like, because it gives a great bargaining tool for behaviour. I don’t know how many times in the last week I have told D I will send a text to the Mum of the child having the party to say he wont be there. Instantly I have a little boy trying his best to keep himself doing as he’s told. Bribery is definitely one of this parents best friends!!!!
M also was told that if he didn’t control his vicious tongue, then he would not get to go. M just couldn’t control his out of control mouth though. This holidays, he has turned totally into a teenager. He thinks nothing of rudeness and back chat, which are things we are working on teaching him what is and isn’t acceptable, but his nastiness to D has gone far beyond anything we can accept. Everything D does or says has to be argued with. Now, some might say that this behaviour is typical of siblings that have had enough of the school holidays, and maybe they would be right. I though am at my wit’s end as to keeping them apart. D of course is enjoying the fact that M is for once in more trouble than he is, and baiting M in such a way as to set him off. D obviously thinks we are more stupid than we look if he thinks we don’t see this! M though does bite and he does it big time. He is verbally as well as physically abusive. D gets bullied no end when he is at school or just out of the house, so the home environment should be one where he feels safe from the bullies calling him names. Right now, he isn’t safe from it. M is presently all D’s bullying nightmares wrapped up in one.
This morning, it kicked off as usual. Both boys were told that if they couldn’t behave there would be no going out. D took this seriously and hid himself in the corner of the sofa with his tablet. M on the other hand couldn’t control himself, and went all out to create friction. D was very reserved for longer than I would probably have imagined, but when he snapped the two of them just went for it. D was sent upstairs to get washed and dressed. M was told he wouldn’t be going out. He sat down in a huff. D then got really upset because M wouldn’t be going with him (as much as he hates the bullying, he loves M without question)! M had to learn that when he is told something isn’t acceptable there are consequences. He had been given plenty of opportunity to think about his behaviour. He had been warned of what would happen and now we had to follow through.
It was Hubbys turn to be on party duty – thank goodness my ear drums cried! D and Hubby headed off for the 15 minute drive to the play centre. M was really calm until they shut the front door, and then started screaming about not being left behind. He screamed solidly for about 10 minutes about how they couldn’t go without him. He was totally heart-broken. I just left him to it, as he had to work it through, and I would only end up being physically hurt the temper he was in. When he was calm enough to speak to, I sat him down and explained why things had panned out the way they had. He said he was sorry, but it is just words to him, he knows that is what expected of him, but he doesn’t know what it actually means.
He was then delightful for the next couple of hours. We watched a movie. He had switched off his anger and carried on as if nothing had happened.
That is until they got home. As soon as D walked into the house, he was back to the horrible little boy he had been that morning. He snatched the party bag D had been given and tried to steal the sweeties it contained. He just totally went off on one at D. In his head, it was all D’s fault that he had not been allowed to go out. He saw he held no responsibility for it. D had come home a happy bunny having been playing with his friends, but he was soon back to a little boy being bullied by someone who should be therefore for him.
They will spend this last week of the holidays being separated at all possibilities. It will be the best for both of them, as right now they need the routine of school to mentally stimulate them and physically exhaust them! I can’t let their relationship deteriorate any more than it has this holiday.
Maybe next time there is a party invitation, I will remind him of what happened today, not that it will change his attitude. I stay hopeful that if we chip away at reminding him about what is and isn’t acceptable behaviour, some of it might eventually stick.