I came across this today via https://www.facebook.com/statuses247 , and it kind of made me think about how I hold onto things that I should let go of. I know I do it, and just cant help myself. I can remember conversation going back years, which havent gone quite right. It’s a dangerous place to have you mind as it makes you scared of situations that are similar, because you remember what went wrong before. Its hard therefore not to let past mistakes dictate the present and the future, but I am trying really hard to let go of the luggage I force myself to carry.
I do worry about how others see me. Not as much as I used to. I was bullied for years because of my size, by those I should have trusted. I’m now learning to accept who I am. Loving oneself is a really important lesson to learn, and without that different things don’t fall into place. I spent too many years believing the put downs I was given. I was miserable for a long time while I believed the bad things people told me about myself. You get into a downward spiral, until you can’t accept anything but the negative. Few people would have known the sadness in my heart.
My life hasn’t been what I imagined it would be. But then, who’s has? I now have a good life. I have a hubby I love, and two beautiful children. I never imagined I would be living in the North of Scotland as I’m a southerner, and happy with that fact! I do the best I can to make those around me safe and happy. Being a Mum of special needs kids, does make you think about your blessings, because good things have to be praised up and made into important moments.
I am happier now than I have been in a long time. I am learning to accept who I am, and that is helping me be on a more even keel. I accept, I’m going to screw up, and I know I do, but I also feel other people have to accept this about me and their selves. After all, none of us are perfect!
I think through all my negative thoughts, I’ve mostly managed a smile on my face, because I know I don’t need to burden anyone else with the strange goings on in my head. There are people who have real problems who don’t need to listen to my nonsense, but instead need my understanding. I try my best to be that.
This year, I have been learning to take responsibility for who I am, my moods, and dark places, are keeping their distance and I hope to keep it that way. Things like this that do the rounds on Facebook might seem like nonsense but sometimes, they just speak to you and make you think.